Numb, tired and a Daddy

It has been a very long and amazing few days for me.  I get a little bit of a taste of what all the parents have been telling you for the last 36 weeks- Get your sleep!

Yeah tell me about it.  The past 2 days have felt like 5 days.  The mix of the joy and excitement that Bella was here + the her preemie issues + having her go back to the NICU and us having to go back to the Ronald McDonald house = even less sleep, numbness of old pain and new pain, an indescribable love for a someone that you have been waiting for 36 weeks.  It is just nuts.  Granted I am typing this at 1:29am.  Everything is crazy nuts!

You know when you are so tired, you cannot sleep.  That is how I am.  I am also optimistic and keep telling myself that Bella will sooner then later be coming home with us.  We are not even close to dealing with the issues we had with Gabriella.  

Still lets be honest-  it sucks-  that I have to live parts of the worst nightmare of my life again.  

The positives in this: We are pretty well known in the hospital- nurses, doctors remember us and that has made it easier.  We have great nurses and doctors.  We know the NICU would be able to give her a concentrated attention she needed.  We are now in the Step Down unit - which means we are one step closer to Bella going home. I also have a wonderful wife who is loving and supporting and I know that together we will get through anything.  I also know that the Doctors will figure out what is causing Bella's premature apnea and it will be taken care of - hopefully real soon! 

Well time to get some shut eye.  I need to sleep.  Besides its 7-0 USA in Women's Softball and Jennie Finch is working it!  Good Knight and Sweet Dreams.